Through my project, I've learned that I am able to do things that I set my mind to. I was never able to follow a meal plan because I didn't have the motivation to do so, but once I got it, I did it. I also learned that following a meal plan is hard and not very fun. I constantly thought about what I was going to eat next and how I would get all of my servings in. It changed my obsession with food from thinking about how badly I wanted it but not eating it out of fear, to obsessing over how to eat everything I needed to. I also learned that I may have OCD, or at least I have obsessive tendencies regarding food. I learned that I won't get "fat" by eating normal amounts of food, or simply eating the foods that I fear. Most importantly I learned a lot about myself, my abilities, and (most most importantly) my faith.
There were certain things that I liked and disliked about the project, obviously. Some things that I liked were getting to eat like a normal person, feeling motivated to follow the challenge, getting to experience some foods that I hadn't eaten in a long time, and I actually really enjoyed blogging. The things I disliked included the constant obsession over food, the times when I had to get a lot of servings in at the end of the day because I neglected to get them earlier in the day, and just thinking about how badly I wanted to be able to eat whatever I wanted to (a.k.a. intuitive eating).
In regards to the rules that I set for myself, I followed all of them! Now, I'm not going to act like I'm #perf, because I'm not. I don't think that I got all of my servings in all of the time like I thought/hoped I did, I obsessed over food (like no other), I felt a touch of guilt once or twice for what I ate, and I chewed gum every now and then (mainly to focus when I was driving). I only missed IOP one day because I had to go to Nashville for Fall break. Other than that, I did really well!
Now that the project is over, only a couple of questions remain: what exactly does it take to be "normal"? How much longer will it be until I honestly 100% eat intuitively? What is my metabolism doing? Will my eating disordered thoughts take over? Will I ever be "normal" again? Are my obsessive thoughts caused by
malnutrition? Will I stop thinking about them once I'm nourished? Will I get the passions that I once had back? Will I get a longer attention span? And then just your average questions...what is the meaning of life?
Now that it's over, will I go on? Well, duh. Will I keep blogging? Probably, but not every day. I'm going to do something to celebrate my success with this challenge and the end of my blog, but I don't know when. I'll definitely take sweet pix and write about it. For now, though, I'm at my friend Janelyn's house with some of my other friends, so I'm going to wrap it up. After all, it's normal to have a sleepover and eat pizza and talk until 4 in the morning and watch movies with your friends. I don't want to be blogging all night; good grief.
