Not too hot. I haven't been following my meal plan to a tee anymore. Actually, I haven't really been following it at all. I've been trying to eat intuitively, but I've realized that I can't do that effectively or normally yet. I haven't been eating as much as I know I should be. I take into account the different food groups that I need, but I eat what I think sounds good. However, I've realized that my fears and preoccupations with food and certain food groups re-surface when I'm not following the meal plan. For example, if I have a bagel for breakfast, I'll be timid to eat carbs the rest of the day even though I technically need at least 6 more grain servings. I've been more relaxed with fruits and vegetables, as those are fairly low-calorie foods, and I do love them the most (at least, I think it's me who loves them and not my eating disorder...). I'm still planning my eating plans for each day ahead of time (which is still really annoying and makes me hate my life a little bit), but I do it differently than I did when I was following my meal plan. I think about what I'm going to eat, but not how I'm going to get all of my servings in. For the past two days, I've been trying to get back on track, but it hasn't been going too hot. I'll try again tomorrow, but the way my mind is working right now, it doesn't seem too likely; hopefully I'm wrong and I can beat my eating disordered thoughts. Welcome to the never-ending battle with an eating disorder.
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| The weather on November 1 in Cleveland, TN (HALLELUJAH! It was beautiful!) |
Today was a good day, even though my eating wasn't too hot. I woke up at 2:30 to take my friend, Camille, to the airport with my other friend Ruth. We got back around 5 and went back to bed. I woke up around 9:30 to get ready to go to an academic advising session with my advisor at 10:30. I got dressed and ready, read my Bible and daily devotion, and debated whether or not to have a Boost or Balance bar...I went with the Balance bar. After sitting in my advisor's office for half an hour, he didn't show up, so I re-scheduled for noon, and went to my Mission of the Church Class at 11. I returned to his office at 12, waited for 45 minutes, and then left. HOWEVER, I met him as I was leaving and he apologized for making me wait. We then went on to have my advising session, and I went on my way. Oh, I also switched my major this week from Intercultural Studies to Anthropology. I don't know what I'm going to do yet; all I know is that I want to travel, do something with and to help people, and something to further God's kingdom. I also think that I might want to do something dealing with body image because I've formed a bit of a passion for it the past couple of years, but I'm not sure what I could do with that. Anyway, I LOVE MY NEW ADVISOR! He's awesome (even though he made me wait a little bit. But that's okay because I had good ol' Candy Crush to keep me occupied). After my advising session, I returned to my dorm, read for my Global Perspectives seminar quiz, ate some carrots, and then went to withdraw from a class. I then went to check my mail and then I went to my Global Perspectives Class. After that, I went to my true home...you guessed it...Starbucks. I went with my friends Ruth, Heather, Lori, and Melissa. We took homework and study stuff to keep budy and make it a productive trip. I got a venti mocha light frappucino, and I got it FOR FREE because I had a freebie reward! BOOM! I talked to the supervisor about the application that I turned in a week ago, she took my name and availability, and now we play the waiting game...fingers crossed. We stayed at Starbucks for nearly 2 hours (it was beautiful), and I got a good deal of a paper done.
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| Being a hipster, working on a laptop with my coffee beverage, at Starbucks. |
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| My second beverage at Starbucks...I'm not addicted... |
We returned to campus around 6ish, and went to dinner. Good food night at the dining hall, as I had lemon dill cod, steamed broccoli and carrots, and mixed fruit. And a couple bites of a peanut butter cookie. After dinner, we went to Melissa's room (she lives in a different, suite-style dorm), and had a movie party. It was fun. Melissa had a big box of candy and goodies that her family sent her for her birthday and she let us have whatever we wanted out of it. I had some fruit snacks, gum, and a cosmic brownie. Now, I was timid to have the brownie because I was a little afraid of it, I didn't know if I really wanted it, and because I'm a weirdo. I decided just to eat it, though, because I'm a college kid with my friends who are eating whatever they want without thinking about it and enjoying it. And you know what? I enjoyed it, and that's all that matters. We watched "Cabin In The Woods" which was really dumb, and "Side Effects" which was alright. We left around midnight to return to the dorm. My friends went to sleep, and I sat down to finish the paper that I worked on at Starbucks. I called my mom and talked to her for about 19 minutes, put "Blue's Clues" on Amazon Prime (nothing else sounded good...), and here we are now....
So, to wrap it up: I haven't been following my meal plan which is proving to be an issue. So what am I going to do you ask? I'm going to get back into the habit of it. Through my research during the project, I learned that it takes 6-12 months minimum to recover from food-obsessed thoughts, as long as you keep up with re-nourishing your body (which is what the meal plan does). Since I LOATHE this stupid food obsession, I have no choice but to do this meal plan. While I'm not going to stress out about making sure that I follow it 100%, I am at least going to follow it as best as I can throughout the day. I'm also going to keep enjoying Starbucks. And hopefully I'll get a job there. And I'll keep doing "normal" college kid stuff, like watching movies with my friends and eating Little Debbies just because. And I'll work on papers that aren't due for another week at one in the morning. And I'll watch "Blue's Clue's" and "Spongebob," gosh darn it. As they say, "YOLO."
