God's Answers to Prayers

It's been about three weeks being home...I think. I've lost track of time. Needless to say, leaving Lee was one of the better decisions that I've made. I haven't been stressing out, my family and friends have been very supportive, and I just feel better. Last week, I went to the doctor for her to check up and make sure that I was okay after having my panic attacks. I was terrified to go. I was convinced she was going to tell me that I was dying and needed to be admitted to the hospital immediately. The past few times I've gone to the doctor after coming home from school have resulted in this situation, so I guess it's my automatic assumption that that's what will happen. I had prayed constantly for God not to let me be dying and to not make me go to the hospital. I was also terrified that I had lost a ton of weight since being back at school and they would make me go back to treatment. I prayed that that wouldn't happen either. As it turned out, I was fine. I only lost a couple of pounds since August (which isn't necessarily good, but I was expecting to have lost a dramatic amount of weight since leaving). My doctor prescribed me some medicine for when I have anxiety attacks, and she also told me to get Zantac because my acid reflux had been acting up. That's it. I was there for approximately 15 minutes. Good to go. I was so relieved. Thank you, Jesus! From the day I stayed home, I was constantly waiting by the phone to see if River Road would call me. I was so hopeful and excited that I had the opportunity to work there. It's been my dream job since I was 10...not even kidding. But two weeks passed, and no call. I began to feel very defeated. One day, though, one of my friends that work there told me that the hiring manager is good about communicating via email. I asked for her email address, sent an email, and within an hour, I got a response asking if I would be available the next day for an interview. I almost burst out of my skin with excitement. The following day, I met her and had my interview. She was one of the kindest, warmest people I had ever met. I probably sounded like a major suck-up dork in my interview, because I just kept talking about how much I love River Road and how it has always been my dream to work there. After the interview, she told me I would be hearing from her in a couple of days. She also told me that they were offering one position, and it was between a friend of mine who applied and me...ouch. For the next couple of days, I prayed that God would give me the job, and if He did, that He would let my friend be supportive and also to put her in a place where she would find fulfilling employment. I also prayed that if I didn't get the job, that I could be the supportive friend to her, and for Him to put me in a job where I could serve Him. The weekend past, and more anxiously waiting by the phone. On Monday I ran errands for my aunt and grandma, still not hearing anything. When I got home, I checked my email, and to my ridiculous excitement, I saw an email from the woman who interviewed me with the title of the email reading "Position". I almost cried. Literal tears. The email asked that I call her, so I did, and she offered me a position at River Road Coffeehouse! I was so excited I could hardly let her finish her sentence. One of my all time dreams was coming true. It was like when you go to Disney World for the first time (unless you're like my dad who hates Disney), but better. Later, I went to work at Harry and David, and came home to a "Congratulations" banner that my mom had made hanging above my bed. It was the most exciting day I've had in a while. I feel so much different than I have in years past. I'm no longer afraid of food, I've realized that I'm a homebody and accepted it and am okay with it, I understand what it looks like to truly love others, and I understand more of what my relationship with Christ looks like. I'm still a work in progress though: I still don't always go out of my way to help others unless it benefits me in some way, I have a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone, and I sometimes miss my Jesus time some days. The difference now, though, is that I accept and recognize when I need to move. I've been praying for God to protect me from anxiety, depression, and my eating disorder. The first couple of weeks that I was home, when I was struggling with anxiety, Philippians 4:6 kept popping up: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Yesterday, as I had my Jesus time, I prayed again for protection from anxiety, depression, and my eating disorder. With that, God led me to 1 John 4:4: "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."! Jesus is IN me and is GREATER than anything like anxiety, depression, or an eating disorder that is of this world. Through this experience with anxiety, I've realized that anxiety is NOT of God and it is NOT in His plan for our lives. We have to constantly be in communication with Him, which will teach us how to rely on Him when we feel anxious, depressed, unworthy, or insert your negative mindset here. God reveals Himself in different ways to different people. For me, He led me to these verses when I needed to hear them. God does answer prayer. For me, He answered my prayer of quite a few years for a job at River Road. And for my friend, she is happy for me and said that the job just isn't where God wants her right now. So for all of those years that I didn't have a job at River Road, it was just not God's time for me there. I have a friend who has been out of school for about a year and she desperately searched for a job for months. She eventually found one, but it was awful, so God opened up another door for a position she really enjoys. My mom had been searching for a job where her degree and experience would apply. She waited for 13 years, working as a waitress while also going to different call centers and reception jobs. This year, she was offered a position at the VA where she has her own office and her own business cards. I know all of these examples have to do with work, but it's the proof of our loving Father looking out for His children that I've been witness to recently. I still pray for other things: for Him to provide money for me to be able to go to school and get my degree, for Him to make me a good friend, and for Him to put a good man who loves the Lord in my path so I can get married. I used to be so anxious and worried about this, but if the past couple of weeks have taught me anything, it's that God's timing really is impeccable and perfect. Things may not turn out the way that you expect them to, but they will work out for the best. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. -Psalm 27:14